Which Army were you talking about?

I just got notification from the Army that I’m up for rank advancement. “Major Boards,” as they’re called, meet at the end of March to decide if I merit the rank of Major. If I do, that title will be bestowed in July…2012. Yes, that’s right, 18 months from now.

When I asked our Department Chief why they meet so early, his reply was, and I quote, “The Army likes to be on top of things.”

Oh ho ho, really?

You mean the Army that couldn’t get my pay right for 6 months after I got married?

You mean the Army that didn’t sign a leave request last year because someone looked through my file and realized I had never watched the circa 1984 training video “Depleted Uranium,” which should have happened at some point during residency? (I don’t even question why I have to watch videos like that anymore. I just do it.)

You mean the Army that keeps talking about budget cuts and then spent who knows how many dollars putting up new signs around the hospital without bothering first to check to see if the old ones were right?

Case in point, here’s my sign:


First of all, I don’t share an office with MAJ B. Berke anymore. I share an office with CPT B. Geneman. Second of all, I’m not a junior fellow, I’m a senior fellow. Thirdly, not only is my last name no longer Stacey, it was NEVER Stacy. In the three hallways I looked, consisting of approximately 30 rooms, there were no fewer than 11 signs that were wrong.

My coworker told me that before the signs were even up, he told the Powers that Be the old signs were wrong in many cases. He was informed by said Powers that they were going to put up the new signs exactly the way the old ones were, then go around to see whose were wrong and replace them.

???!?!!!?!?!!

Oh--and do you mean the Army that switched out all our pagers to a new text system then realized after it went online that the new carrier had a dead spot that was the entire hospital? You mean that Army?

Yeah, that Army.