Good News!

My Army promotion came through! Not that it means much for right now. (See blog entry from Feb 2, 2011.) Some time next spring/summer, I'll be Major, but for the next year I get to wear the tedious title of Captain (Promotable) Clark.

Mike continues to excel in his classes. He just made the Dean's List for winter semester! He has a 4.0 GPA and works very hard to maintain that. He's taking a statistics class right now that can only be described as "brutal." I took statistics in college as part of my major and I remember I really enjoyed it. When I look over Mike's textbook and see the work he's doing, I'm now wondering if I was sniffing glue back then because WOW this stuff is painful.

I have to hand it to Mike, though. It's been frustrating, but he's kept plugging along. He worked for two full days on one half of one assignment to make sure he got it right. He's had to figure out the answer to stuff like whether or not a study showing better hearing after big meals is statistically significant and other, you know, really pressing issues. My feeling is, if you're going to force someone to do statistics, make it something relevant. Make us care about the answer! Case in point:

As promised earlier, here are a few pictures from our first anniversary weekend. I'm sorry for the poor quality of the pictures. We remembered our camera, but forgot our battery charger. It's a total rookie mistake and I can't believe we did that. I know my father will shake his head in disgust when he reads this.

Oh well. Our photo recording may not have been ideal, but we sure had a fun time. Friday, we went to Enchanted Forest, a small, family-run fairy-tale-themed amusement park. Mike had me pose like I was being eaten by the witch.

From there, we drove along the Umpqua River to the Oregon Coast. It was a beautiful drive. Mike had arranged for us to stay in a suite at a beautiful hotel called the Mill Casino. (We ignored the casino part.) Because of a snafu with scheduling our room, we got the suite for about half off!

Saturday, we went to a walking safari. If you'll remember from last year on our honeymoon, we got to pet a baby lion in New Zealand. I like the symmetry, because this year we got to pet both a leopard cub and a tiger cub.

As usual, Mike found a 100 things every day to make me laugh. This was on Saturday, as we drove up the coast. We bought a kite to fly on the beach but then the wind died down, so I think the best we got was about 15 feet in the air for 20 or so seconds.

We had originally planned to stay until Monday, July 4. On Sunday, I wasn't feeling well, so we ended up driving home on Sunday, instead. We drove up the spectacular Oregon coast. Trust me, the picture doesn't even begin to do it justice!

We even stopped along the way to feed the squirrels. There's a place where the squirrels are so tame they come up and eat right out of your hand. Or lap. They're cute, but they've definitely been overfed. I wish I could remember the name of the place. I may be able to find it if I Google "squirrel obesity," which reached epidemic proportions at this park. We put a piece of a pretzel on Mike's leg and the fattest squirrel I've ever seen in my life waddled up and stuffed its face within 15 seconds. One squirrel had its cheeks so full of crackers and pretzels that they were falling out faster than he could put them back in. We snatched this photo of someone else feeding the squirrel. Kind of reminds me of a dog I've seen somewhere...

I've been recovering from a miscarriage over the last few days. I worried about a lot of things during the 10 weeks I was pregnant, but I never thought I would go through a miscarriage. It hasn't been easy. Of the many emotions that I've gone through--guilt, peace, disappointment, grief, gratitude--I can honestly say that anger and bitterness are not among them. I've tried very hard not to ask "Why?" but "What can I learn from this?" One thing about our "trial-by-fire" moments, there is no end to the lessons to be learned. I'm pretty invested in learning these lessons the first time around, because this is an experience I'd rather not repeat. Even so, I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to give me experiences to stretch me, help me grow, and hopefully turn me into a more Christlike daughter.

I pray often for compassion as a doctor and just charity in general. I suppose I would have preferred to refine those traits by other methods, but I will certainly approach others differently who are going through difficult circumstances. Heavenly Father blessed me with some wonderful, compassionate doctors during one of the hardest days I've gone through. One ER doctor in particular came in several times to check on me, just to chat and see how I was doing rather than sending in a nurse. Another doctor sat down and the only thing he said was that things happen for a reason, but that it wasn't my fault, Mike's fault, or the baby's fault. It was just one of "those things." I've been trained to say those very words to families of patients. I've said them more times than I can count to parents of children with autism, Down syndrome, prematurity, cerebral palsy, etc. I never realized how comforting and reassuring those words are and how much you need to hear them in times like that. When I say it now, I can mean it even more.

The day after my D&C was a rough day. I woke up and before I could wipe the sleep away or stretch or anything, my throat constricted and my eyes filled with tears. I thought, "Oh no, this is a terrible way to start my day." I knew that if I allowed myself to wallow, the day would just go from bad to worse. A conversation I'd had with my mom earlier about gratitude came into my head. Maybe it sounds stupid and a little trite, I started a prayer of gratitude for everything I laid my eyes on. I started with the window, which was bringing in the daylight. I was grateful for the fan keeping us cool, because we don't have air conditioning. I was grateful for the ceiling because it meant I had a roof over my head. That went on for several minutes and then I looked at Mike sleeping next to me. My heart swelled with such gratitude for him--for his unfailing support, his quiet reassuring presence during a difficult couple of weeks, his worthiness to hold the priesthood, and his desires to do what is right and what is good for our family. There is so much more in my life that brings me joy rather than sorrow!

One of the best things to come out of this is to be able to feel the love of friends and family in ways that I never would have otherwise. Thank you so much to those who have emailed, called, and sent cards. I've also had some of the most wonderful conversations I've ever had with my parents and siblings as they called to offer their sympathy and support. They may not have known what to say, but the fact they called means more to me than they will ever, ever know.

Through trials, there is peace and comfort to be felt. There is happiness to be found. Overall, this feels more like a postponement in our lives rather than a loss. I hope that, if I've learned anything from the years and years and years of being single, it's to trust in the Lord's timetable and His plan for me.

This weekend, Mike and I celebrated our first anniversary. We drove to Oregon and visited Mike's family the first night. On Friday, we went to Enchanted Forest (pictures will be forthcoming). Saturday and Sunday we drove up and down the gorgeous Oregon coast (again, pictures will follow in the days ahead).

At one point when we were driving, I was exhausted and I laid back in my chair to take a snooze. Mike kept enthusiastically pointing out sights along the road, then saying, "OK, now I'll let you sleep." I had almost drifted off for the fifth time when Mike blurted out, "Look, SHEEP!" I suppose that some people may have been frustrated, but I just started laughing and sat up. Why? Because I was filled with overwhelming gratitude that I have a husband who loves to talk with me and loves to share things with me and is so excited to be with me that he can't contain his enthusiasm. It's more than I ever could have asked for. We enjoyed the rest of the drive, pointing out fun, silly, and beautiful things to each other.

It was an incredible anniversary weekend, but more so, it has been an incredible first year of marriage to an incredible, amazing man that I love with all my heart.